Man Rules and Etiquette

1. Never under any circumstances should two men share an umbrella.

2. If a man has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it.

3. A man has to scratch what he has to scratch no matter the time or situation. Leave him alone. This applies to picking as well.

4. When you and another man are seeing a movie together a buffer zone of at least one seat must be maintained, even if the theater is sold out.

5. Any object thrown with fairly reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught. Must.

6. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.

7. Deny everything.

8. If whatever you’re doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it’s really not worth it.

9. It's not that crying isn't manly, it is just that there is nothing to cry about.

10. If the question begins with “why,” the answer is “I don’t know.”

11. Women can do anything that men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny on purpose, reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, overseeing standards and practices, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with. (From the 10th episode of Tosh.0)

12. For a multitude of reasons, tanned people are not to be trusted.

13. Only Willie Nelson should have a ponytail.

14. When two men are alone together there is no such thing as awkward silence. It only becomes awkward when the other person thinks he needs to break the silence.

15. If you have an Asian friend it is mandatory for you to send him hateful text messages on December 7th.

16. Don't compliment another man, there is never a need for it.

17. Do not hug another man unless they have recently had someone close to them die. In that situation, make sure your hips don't touch, you slap them firmly on the back and that it does not last for more than two seconds.

18. The reverse head nod can mean anything you want it to mean, from "hey" to "I'm sorry I tackled you and we fell on your cat." Use it liberally.

19. Women are just as capable of learning to put the seat up when they are done. Don't change, you are special just the way you are.

20. Asking directions makes you a weak person. Columbus didn't ask directions did he? Yeah, that is bulletproof logic.

Also make sure to read Office Bathroom Etiquette, and Urinal Rules and Etiquette