You know you've pooped. There's pooh on the toilet paper, but no pooh in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Pooh
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of pooh on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This pooh leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Poop
You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize, you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop
This is the kind of pooh that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Pooh
You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Pooh
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out (aka turtle head or prairie dogging) before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Poop
This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of pooh usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Pooh
This pooh hits the water sideways and makes a big splash that gets your butt wet.
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no pooh.
Cement Block Poop
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you pooped.
This pooh is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Poop (Also Known as a Floater)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My gosh! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house too.
Mexican Food Pooh (aka Montezuma's Revenge)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butt stops burning.
Beer Drunk Poop
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your pooh doesn't smell too bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of pooh also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of pooh that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
The Bungee Poop
The kind of pooh that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.
The kind of pooh where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Poopy Poopy Bang Bang
The kind of pooh that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.