10 Funny Tweets

@ch000ch can't even imagine how many delicious recipes get exchanged during the football huddle

@jonnysun maybe babies cry because they've realized their potential for greatness decreases with each passing second until they die an old soul with lost dreams

@kevinseccia I need a new gimmick. What if I'm always just inexplicably shuffling a deck of cards? Would you buy that? Like "whoa, who's that drifter?!"

@Jennuflect [At Neiman Marcus] *looks at sales clerk* *holds up a Prada and a Burberry briefcase* I don't know…which one will hold more chicken nuggets?

@ceejoyner When police tell you to put your hands up and stop running you can still legally flee with a rapid series of cartwheels.

@ch000ch do the people in Fiji know we pay 4 dollars for their tap water?

@longwall26 "Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!" "LOL sir, that was a barber." "He was black." "We're sending a battleship."

@popcorngoddess1 I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.

@mdob11 'Siri, am I an alcoholic?', I whisper into my burrito.

@jonnysun *smells vinyl record* The Continents are okay but they were way better before they split up. Do you know the supergroup Pangaea? It's from befor your time.