@ch000ch can't even imagine how many delicious recipes get exchanged during the football huddle
maybe babies cry because they've realized their potential for greatness decreases with each passing second until they die an old soul with lost dreams
I need a new gimmick. What if I'm always just inexplicably shuffling a deck of cards? Would you buy that? Like "whoa, who's that drifter?!"
[At Neiman Marcus] *looks at sales clerk* *holds up a Prada and a Burberry briefcase* I don't know…which one will hold more chicken nuggets?
When police tell you to put your hands up and stop running you can still legally flee with a rapid series of cartwheels.
do the people in Fiji know we pay 4 dollars for their tap water?
"Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!" "LOL sir, that was a barber." "He was black." "We're sending a battleship."
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
'Siri, am I an alcoholic?', I whisper into my burrito.
*smells vinyl record* The Continents are okay but they were way better before they split up. Do you know the supergroup Pangaea? It's from befor your time.