20 Fake Movies From Seinfeld That Really Need To Be Made

1-"Rochelle, Rochelle:" - It is, of course "a young girl's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk" and manages to find its way into the lives of the characters over and over. And, of course, as Susan tells George, it has lots of nudity.

2-"Chunnel:" - In "Chunnel," there's an explosion in the Chunnel. And, apparently, the U.S. President's daughter gets stuck in there. The convoluted plot ended up breaking up Elaine and Susan's new found friendship. Susan couldn’t hear anything due to Elaine and Jerry’s talking through out the whole movie.

Tagline: 32 miles of hell. “Everybody out of the Chunnel!”

The portions of the movie that are shown in the episode are from "The American President."

3-"Checkmate:" - This is the movie all four of the characters want to go see, yet they all find themselves watching "Rochelle, Rochelle."

"Checkmate" is about a king who likes chess and finds himself in real-life jeopardy when, like in the game, everyone is after the king.

According to transcripts, this fantastic dialogue exchange happens in the movie:

Man: I didn't know you enjoyed chess, your majesty.
King: Why wouldn't I?
Man: Because the king is always in jeopardy.
King: Yes, but it's only a game.
Man: (suspiciously) Yes, of course. Only a game.

4-"Death Blow:" - Jerry leaves in the middle of this movie, when he realizes Kramer's friend is bootlegging it. Kramer follows him out, then laments missing the death blow.

Kramer also mentions the tagline of this movie: "When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether."

5-"Firestorm:" - Harrison Ford jumps out of a plane and shoots back up at the plane while he falls. A helicopter lands on a car. Frank Constanza is furious to find out that detail because it spoils the movie for him.

6-"Blimp: The Hindenburg Story:" - If only so we can all have our George moment and, when the Hindenburg blows up, we can all yell, "That's GOTTA hurt!"

7-"Sack Lunch:" It's a movie that opens on the same day as "The English Patient," and represents a non-pretentious, comedic option.

8-"Cry, Cry Again:" The movie Jerry is asked to bootleg. Instead, Kramer does it (terribly), and Elaine ends up recording herself dancing at the end of the movie.

9-"Brown-Eyed Girl:" - One of the movies that Kramer says when he's impersonating the Moviefone guy. Possible reference to the song "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison.

10-"The Other Side of Darkness:" This movie will change the way you look at comas. While watching it, Kramer makes several changes to his will in case he goes into a coma.

11-"Ponce De Leon:" - The film concerns the Spanish conquistador Juan Ponce de León and his mythical search for the Fountain of Youth. George really liked this movie, and Elaine hated it.

12-"Prognosis Negative:" This movie was actually based on an actual screenplay written by Seinfeld co-creator Larry David in the 1980’s which was never actually produced.

The film is about a man who receives a negative result on a medical test, which he mistakenly believes to be bad.

13-"Blame it on the Rain:" Elaine and her date Todd Gack are forced to see this movie when "Means to an End" is sold out.

14-"Means to an End:" This movie is sold out, but Jerry's hot girlfriend is able to use her charm to get them tickets, much to the chagrin of Elaine and Todd Gack.

15-"The Pain and the Yearning:" A 192-minute film, whose plot is simply "An old woman experiences pain and yearning." Elaine passes over this film to see Weekend at Bernie's II (a Gene pick), prompting Vincent to recommend "Betrayed," as well as sending her a button from his VCR.

16-"Agent Zero:" Derives its name from a screenplay Seinfeld writer David Mandel always wanted to write.

17-"Mountain High:" Kramer reads its tagline from the newspaper "There's no higher place than, Mountain High!," and also recites some dialogue from the film: "You've gotta get me over that mountain!," followed by a fake explosion and exaggerated scream. Kramer’s brief flirtation in the role of the Moviefone guy reveals that this flick stars Kevin Bacon and Susan Sarandon.

18-"Chow Fun:" Elaine calls to find out what time it will be showing.

19-"The Muted Heart" George would like to see Firestorm, but due to his recent engagement with Susan, he is forced to see this film instead.

20-"Flaming Globes of Sigmund:" Jerry scribbles something down in the middle of the night, and spends the rest of the episode trying to figure out what he wrote.

The episode ends with Jerry turning on the TV to find "Flaming Globes of Sigmund" on with the dialogue "It's just as you prophesied! The planets of our solar system, incinerating. Like flaming globes, Sigmund. Like flaming globes. Ah, ha, ha, ha!"

Sources: 1 2 3 4


  1. Great post! I've thought about this before.. put together very well.

  2. Thanks Birdie. I always thought some of the movies they made up were hilarious.

  3. Ponce de Leon is a real silent black and white film made in 1924.