16 Worst Halloween Candies

Halloween ruled when I was little. I would spend hours going from house to house, getting yummy candy. But, at the end of the night, there was always some crappy candy to be found, sometimes a lot of it. Some of you may like these candies, and really, some aren't bad in small amounts. But, as a kid, it seemed like you got a lot of all of these, and it was too much of a bad thing. What did they all have in common? They were cheap. These were always given out by the cheapskates.

Keep in mind that some of these candies are delicious. It's just that in huge volumes, at halloween, they aren't so great.

Good And Plenty. I happen to enjoy these now, but as a kid, they were like medicine covered pieces of tree.


Mini Mr. Goodbar. You never see Mr. Goodbar in full size bars. Why would making a mini version of it be any better?



Dum Dum's. It's not that Dum Dum's aren't tasty in their own right, it's that I only seemed to get the gross flavors, and I never got less that 50 of them.


Atomic Fireballs. Yeah, scorching your taste buds with hot lava rocks sounds like a good time to me.


Dots. One box, maybe. 15 boxes of rubbery, flavorless, colored gelatin, covered in corn starch? No thanks.


Smarties. These are supposed to be fruit flavored. Have you ever had fruit that tasted like dust? Me neither.

Tootsie Rolls. The big old Tootsie Rolls? Sure, one or two isn't bad. But 1/2 pound of the super mini Tootsie Rolls?


Brach's Strawberry Bon-Bons. These didn't taste too bad, but they always came barely wrapped. How could you tell if some psycho in his mom's basement spent hours dipping these in poison? You couldn't, so you threw them out.

Random Candy Discs (Particularly Butterscotch). Really? Hard candy? Thanks for breaking out your dead grandma's candy collection, appreciate it.

Waxy Chocolate. Remember these "chocolate" coins? There were also some round, foil wrapped balls, that tasted similarly. Sometimes they had crispy rice in them, but always they were waxy and nasty, and often covered with a white wax. Sick.



Dubble Bubble gum. Hey, gum is good right? Not when it is rock hard, and breaks a molar.



Salt Water Taffy. Shouldn't taffy have a discernible flavor? Plain isn't a flavor.


Necco Wafers. Hey, here is an idea for a candy, anything BUT discs of chalk.

Pumpkins. Hey, kids love squash and gourds, let's make it into a flavorless wax candy.


Candy Corn. Everyone knows how much kids love vegetables. It seems only natural to make it a candy, that in no way resembles it's name sake.


Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses. These were the worst. I never ate them, they went straight into the trash. The paper was always greasy, they were questionably wrapped, and smelled like unwashed hair. Screw you old lady on the corner that gave these out every year.

Photo sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

33 comments:

  1. I disagree with every choice except the strawberry Bonbons

    ReplyDelete
  2. Maybe that's what made you big, Mike. J/K

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ewwww..... Mary Janes. I actually thought someone gave me used gum the first time i got one of those. And: WHERE ARE THOSE SCARY MARSHMALLOW PEANUTS?
    Those used to give me nightmares. However, they make for great slingshot ammo. Or any kind of ammo. They just aren't slightly edible.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Proof that some folks know squat about candy. Tootsie Rolls, no matter the size, are the source of all that is, was, or ever shall be. Smarties? I could live off those. Candy corn just plain rocks (the chocolate ones, more so). The best bite-size Hershey's are anything in dark. ..the rest are tolerable (since they are chocolate). I have eaten crappy candy before, probably been doing so before most of you were born. You wanna see assorted crappy candy, just go by my momma's house...she's got a jug full of crap.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anyone who doesn't want their Mary Janes can give them to me. I love them so much, I buy them when it ISN'T Halloween.

    ReplyDelete
  6. What about Sixlets. The "chocolate" candy m&m wannabes?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I did consider sixlets. But I seemed to get so few of them, that they weren't as big an issue.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My brother and I used to play "first holy communion" w/Necco wafers.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great list. It's a toss up between Dots and Necco Wafers being the worst. I remember my heart sinking at the sight of Mary Jane's. ugh. I whole-heartedly agree with all candies mentioned except for Candy Corn and Pumpkins (I'm one of those weird people who like them), and Mr. Goodbar... Since when is Hershey's chocolate ever bad? They actually have a chocolate and peanut butter thing goin' on about 3 chews in.

    ReplyDelete
  10. haa smarties and their evil cousin "fizzers" none of which ever fizzed for me mega dry compressed pixystick type candy really dried me out like hell lets give these kids desicant like candy same with neco wafers i thought they were originally invented as bb gun targets

    ReplyDelete
  11. I always hated the people who gave out homemade popcorn balls. It took up too much room in my sack and my mom wouldn't let me have anything homemade anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bottlecaps seemed like a good idea at the time. But they never tasted tolerable. I would've included Sixlets on the list, too.

    ReplyDelete
  13. OMG, Bottlecaps!!!!!!! I totally LOVED those as a kid... forgot about them!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Sorry, and no offense intended, but you are 90% off-base. Smarties? Atomic Fireballs? Candy Corn? Tootsie Rolls? How could anyone not like those?!?

    I'd like to see your list of the BEST candy -- I'd bet that it would end up being my least favorite stuff...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Smarties = great
    Candy Corn = great
    Necco Wafers = great
    Good & Plenty = great
    Tootsie Rolls = great
    Dum Dums = great
    Atomic Fireballs = great

    Your list is just whack...

    these are all great all year round, from bags purchased at a store for personal consumption.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I dont really know whereto start ranting here...so I wont rant, anyway, out of all the candies here...there are naybe 3 i wont eat, just beacuse you had the bad batches of everything doesnt mean I wont eat it...I love salt water taffy alot, anyway the best thing about candy is that not everyone has the same taste, which means i can barter for my favorites from other people for they're favorites.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think what people are failing to realize, and what I tried to make clear, is that I don't hate most of these candies. Under normal circumstances, and in the right quantities, most of these are quite delicious. These are simply candies that were not my favorite to recieve at Halloween; either because there are better candies out there, like candy bars, or simply because I always seemed to get way, way too many of them. That's all.

    ReplyDelete
  18. NN, I totally get what you're saying - that which is lovely in moderation can be heinous in bulk, especially when you're a kid! Problem is, I'm having a hard time remembering what I would get that was seen as a "score." Reg-sized Reese's cups (basically anything regular-sized, because it seemed so luxurious), pixie stix, Jolly Ranchers (a personal fave) and maybe recognizable and desirable lollies - like Tootsie Pops and Blowpops?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Are you joking? I love all of those - especially the Mary Jane ones. Mm.

    ReplyDelete
  20. i agree with everything except
    DUBBLE BUBBLE IS THE BEST!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sweets for my feet
    Sugar for my heart...
    What can I eat?
    You can eat my shoes.
    Is it high in calories?
    Only if it's got chocolate.
    So I won't eat...
    my shoes.
    wall air conditioner unit
    regards

    ReplyDelete
  22. Smarties Rule!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Smarties, Tootsie Rolls, and Dubble Bubble are great, Dum Dums are ok but I agree with the bad flavors thing

    ReplyDelete
  24. I agree with you about the good n plentys i like them now but when i was a kid they were the first thing i gave to grandma, dum dums were awesome but yeah not more than 50. I love mary janes, strawberry things, and those taffy things but you can keep the butterscotch disks. The first 4 or 5 of those pumkin things and candy corn was good thats pieces not bags after that it started to make me feel sick to my stomache. I loved bottle caps and when cool rich people gave king size bars

    ReplyDelete
  25. If I had a nickle for every tootsie roll ive thrown in the trash, id have enough to buy the tootsie roll company and have that bitch-factory burnt to the ground!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Salt water taffy. its that crap you see your grandparents chewing on all the time. they're fruity balls of shit that came rolling out a monkey's ass along with the tootsie rolls. i'd rather be sucking shit out of a cows ass.

    ReplyDelete
  27. tooties rolls those little disgusting turdlings i dont understand how anyone with working taste buds could stick one of those elongated turd missles into their mouth. Whoever invented these things should shove a load of them down his throat and go crawl back up his mama's ass. Everytime i eat one, i feel like shooting it out my dookie shoot! the tootsie pops on the other hand are quite tolerable i guess its kinda like when you spray air freshner after a stinking massive shit it covers the stintch like the hard candy masks the ugh flavor. Tootsie rolls make a big, stinking, piping hot horse shit look like a giant hersheys kiss.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Candy Corn and Candy Pumpkins. Who's the idiot who thought it'd be a good idea to change the fucking shape of a god damn peice of candy corn into a pumpkin? A change of shape wont make it taste any better, retard! i mean like you could reshape a damn turd into a peice of candy corn and eat it, and there wouldnt be a damn difference in taste...or texture...

    ReplyDelete
  29. I definitely agree with you on the Smarties. However, Mr. Goodbar and the strawberry bonbons are just fine. Maybe you could add to your list peppermints. mints are meant for Christmas not Halloweens!

    ReplyDelete
  30. DOTS AND SIXLETS BOTH ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE good and plenty

    ReplyDelete