He refers to his mother as "my moms."
He finds any excuse to take his shirt off.
He spent more money "tricking out" his car than the car was originally worth.
He is Kanye West.
He refers to the local football team as "my team" despite having no ownership of said team, nor does he support them during rebuilding years.
On more than zero occasions, he's waxed his chest.
He firmly believes Staten Island is a state.
His DVD collection contains any of the Fast and the Furious oeuvre.
He has a tattoo on his neck.
His resume mentions how much he can bench press.
He has no grasp of the phrase "you peaked in high school."
He has a beer pong table in his house and is over the age of 23.
He can accurately describe what the inside of a tanning bed looks like.
He has no recollection of his SAT score, but can quote - verbatim - Dane Cook's last album.
He wrote a fan letter to John Cena.
Non sarcastically, he names his genitalia after a Greek and/or Norse god.
He uses his hairstyle to make a political statement.
He changes his Facebook profile photo at least once a week.
Ordering anything other than a beer at a bar invokes a "pussy" comment from him.
His closet is filled entirely with Ed Hardy T-shirts and Von Dutch hats.
His favorite band is Nickelback.
He gets visibly angry when his shoes get dirty.
Has both ears pierced with "bling."